Monday, February 3, 2014

Differences

My mind has be spinning lately… I'm not sure if it's because my brain can actually function now that I have stopped taking my anxiety/depression medicine (YAY!!) or if I'm growing up a little bit more. Either way… I'm pretty dang pumped my brain is working- and I'm seeing a little more grey than black and white.

Recently a few things have happened that have me on my toes.

Last week I judged another mom. You would think, 'Wow, huge no- no, especially for a mother of a child with a disability'. Not the case to me- and this is why:

When I think about how I parent, there is not the tiniest bit of me that thinks- I need to parent differently because I am a mother of a child with a disability. I think I want to raise 2 little mini men to be real men one day. I expect them to respect others (adults and children). I expect them to be thankful. I want them to be confident. Knowledgable. I want them to be adventurous and seek out answers… I want them to be successful. To find joy. To be happy. And to be a son of God.

I judged this mom because she did something that, REGARDLESS of what her daughter did, was unacceptable, to ME!! Was it the right thing to do- No. I do not feel bad about it, and I will always stand behind my beliefs. Humiliation, in public or in private is WRONG!!! We are shaping little lives people!! We are trying to instill confidence. If your child cannot talk to you, who do you think they will talk to?? If they cannot trust you. There is no one else.

Be a role model- not a rink leader. There is a reason Tiger Trainers walk with a whip.

One to the next-

On two different occasions I have had moms try and treat Aaden differently because they know he is Autistic. I appreciate their concern & trying to conform to his needs. It means a lot to me, as a friend. However, that is not helping Aaden. If he kicked or hit someone with a stick (both of the stories)- he needs to be reprimanded. He needs to understand that is not appropriate behavior. How else will he learn? This past weekend Aaden hit an older kid in the head with a stick, and then lied about the boy kicking him in the face first. How embarrassing. He would not apologize… He was ticked about something, and said he would think about apologizing.
Here is my take on that: 1. He said he would think about it- which means- he is still mad, he is thinking about it over and over and over again, he is embarrassed. 2. If I force him to say he's sorry- it will not be genuine.

He told me he was sorry later that afternoon… It's how his brain functions, and it took him all that time to get over it. I prefer a sincere apology to a ugly mean 'my mom told me I had to' apology.

…side note- to both Moms. Please don't take offense to this. Y'all are amazing!! I'm just trying to raise awareness. :)

Differences:
We explain ourselves to our boys… I remember hearing, "I am your parent and I do not have to explain myself" many many times growing up. However, now that I'm a parent, I feel the need to do so. I want my boys to understand WHY. If they understand why- they are less likely to do it again… In my opinion.
We explain things to Aaden because his little brain never ever ever stops. It helps him with processing. I love when he comes back hours later with a comment about something we talked about earlier in the day. It makes me giggle.

Our short-term/immediate goals are different.
We want  Aaden to ask for things without whining. We are happy if he only writes his name on his homework-because even that is an improvement. We give him alternatives- a little leeway.

But then again, how different are those than any other parent?? What kid responds well to 1000 rules? So many rules they can't do anything right??

This is what my brain is thinking about today, so I figured I would share. :)

Until next time…

Courtney


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