Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Doubting

I'll just get right to the point. I have been struggling lately.

Doubting yourself as a parent- well sucks. When you have a child that you just don't understand, you can't 'explain' him to a dr, because honestly, he reacts different to every single situation, is hard. It makes you feel like you don't know your baby.... Which is even more difficult to fathom. 

From the day we started struggling with Aaden, I have a,ways told myself, 'Choose your battles wisely'.  Sometimes that is impossible. Mainly because, when Aaden is in a good mood and happy, he is 'normal', therefore you think disciplining him should be 'normal'. 

Is there a normal? A normal child, a normal way to discipline? I have no idea. 

Our normal is chaotic, our normal is hard. 

Trying to stay consistent, with a child who isn't... Just doesn't happen. Aaden is doing better, much much better. He is doing well in school. His teacher just bragged about how sweet he is and how well he plays with the other children. He is also doing very well in his sensory integration therapy. Every Tuesday and Thursday when I pick him up, they say 'He had a good day.'  Then we walk away from school or therapy and he hangs his head down to the ground. 

What am I doing so wrong?? Maybe counseling is our next step. 

With that being said- Brady Bear is TWO, y'all. Lets just say, definitely terrible two as well. I often wonder if the reason he acts out is because Aaden needs more attention.... Or is this something that started 2 years ago when he was born. He was always so easy, that we didn't really have to discipline him. Now, it's definitely caught up to us. He still plays well by himself, and he is still a good, sweet little boy. Sometimes I feel as if he is acting out for attention, and that just breaks my heart. I hate that Brady is struggling because of the issues we have with Aaden. But, making adjustments is whats needed to help our family function at a more mellow pace.

Anytime we are asked how close in age the boys are, the first thing that pops in my head is, "God knew if he didn't surprise us with Brady, he probably wouldn't have happened" haha. In all honesty, I am so thankful for his crazy little self- I can be down about something, turn to look at BB- and he is making a goofy face, to himself. Or swinging his head back and forth 'dancing'. He takes after me, no rhythm :/ poor kiddo.

So back to the 'choosing your battles wisely'. I question myself everyday with 'Should I have corrected him this way, or that way', 'Should I have let that go?'. It is so hard to think about your child being Out of Sync (which has been an amazing book, by the way).  With an Aspergers diagnosis, no child fits all points of the syndrome, Aaden is most of them- of course some more than others. But reading about Aspergers is just as hard as living with a child with Aspergers. Nothing is 100%, you could do it this way, or that way. It is so hard for me to comprehend! Maybe I need to be tested for ADD, in all seriousness.

I just ask for you to pray for us, as a family, to figure out what to do next, and we learn to function as a family.

Until next time...


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