Finding Me... Pt 2

Over the last several days, my mind has been reverting back to my original 'Finding Me' post. As much as I would love to share that post, or even read it again - due to some, yet still, outstanding circumstances, I thought it best to delete the post. Regretting that decision now...

In April of this year, as many of you many know, Evan and I separated. While details of that major life change are not necessary, I do think it is important to share that aspect, because that is me, in this moment. 

In this moment, I am a full time student, I work a 40 hour a week job, do training for a second job, and most importantly, I am a MOM! Luckily for me, my full time job is at the boys school!! I am so blessed to have the opportunity to work along side amazing men & women at our beloved school. 

While all of these changes, improvements - if you will, unfolded at once, I have struggled this week. I have multiple things due for school, multiple things due for my training per my second job, the boys and I both started school on the same day - I started 2 schools, I started college, again, & my first day at my full time job, was the first day of school. This week has been killer. I have not worked outside of the home in 5 years, so although we have been getting up going to school for the last several years, me staying away from home and those chores being pushed back until after school, or even this weekend is a major change for me. My personality strives on a schedule, a routine. I have a check list of all of my check lists, I enjoy knowing what is to come and what to except.  With that being said, I opened my planner for the first time today, all week. That is an insane statement!!! Seriously, my Granny buys me a planner for my birthday, in November, every year. I look forward to that planner more than anything! I am so serious!! 

While Evan and I are living separately, his schedule has not really changed. In the beginning, he stayed home most of the summer, we were able to stick to a fairly good schedule with the boys. Well, that wasn't able to stick. His job is demanding, that is something that I have always known. But now, I am still living by his work schedule. Don't get me wrong, any extra time I get with the boys is amazing!! The problem is in my head, on my planner... I am crazy!!! A change in my schedule or not knowing what my schedule will be like drives me bonkers. I need to know. So now, while trying to plan which days I can do school work, have study group conference calls, make appointments, etc - naturally I only want to work on all of that 'fun' stuff while the boys are away. It has become too much for my brain. We are only 4 days in... 

But, if I sit here and let the schedule get to me as much as it has over the last few days, I will fall behind. I refuse to fall behind when I know all of this hard work, all of this time, will be beneficial to the boys and I in the future. I am positive we will have a few nights when I have to be on a call and I will let them eat ice cream out of the container just to appease them and keep them quiet for me. That may or may not have already happened ;) 

The other part of my struggle is still trying to figure out who I am... Am I this person who feels such a strong pull to help children with special needs? When I decided to go back to college, I planned on dental hygiene. It is what I have always wanted to do. However, each time a conversation came up with a friend, I caught myself leaning towards kids and development/behaviors. I am currently enrolled as a psychology major and in 99485793 years, I will have my masters degree and be an BCBA (Board Certified Behavior Analysis). Long term goals!!  My second job is with CARE, they provide ABA therapy to individuals on the Autism Spectrum. Right up my ally... I was so excited when I was offered the job - while my boys did not participate in ABA, I knew what it entailed, and it has always intrigued me. I do have to be board certified to work with these kiddos, and I will be finishing up my training this week!! Yay, crossing one thing off my list! Next week, I have a competency assessment to do and then I will apply for my board exam. I report directly to a BCBA and will be gaining tons of experience for my future j.o.b. ;) I plan to do this part time, on the nights I do not have the boys... then full time during the summer since I do work at the school, I have the same days off as the boys. 

My full time job is at the boys school, in their pre-k program. In the morning we have a collaborative group of kids for 3 hours and in the afternoon we have 5 special needs kids, ages 3-4. While being in the room with those 5 kids for just a few hours everyday is so demanding, it is amazing to see their potential. And yes, day 4, I can already see it. I had one of my sweet boys say a 5 word phrase yesterday!!! I was blown away! Although, the phrase was an unwilling result of his house he built being bulldozed down, it was still an amazing thing to hear!! But that is where it gets difficult, I want to praise my little talker for speaking aloud, but then not reinforce bad behavior of my construction worker ripping the town apart. So by the end of the day I am spent... 

That is when I found myself in my car in tears... I have so much going on, many of the things I do not have any control over, and for once I found myself needed reassurance... I do not think I have ever been the person who wanted/needed a life cheerleader - I have had life cheerleaders, I cannot even imagine where I would be without my grandparents, they are amazing! - but just someone cheering me on telling me to suck it up and get my butt home because I have work to do. At that moment, I realized I am most definitely still figuring out who I am... at almost 30 years old. I don't feel like I was ever given the opportunity to learn who I am. 

What I do know... Being a mom is difficult yet rewarding, I am extremely sensitive, I lack major self confidence, I have a love/dislike relationship with people, I am a crier, I only like to sing in the car when the boys are in there with me ;), I love smiling, I love checking in with people and letting them know I did remember their 'event', I enjoy helping others, I do not like it when someone messes with my schedule, I lack patience at times, I require at least 8 hours of sleep, I need a good 20+ minutes to talk myself into getting out of bed every morning, I am a giver, I have multiple arguments in my head daily, my brain never ever stops, I am extremely hard on myself, I get annoyed when someone doesn't stick to their word, I could eat Fruit Loops for every meal for the rest of my life, there are some days I just need a hug, and I know there is a whole lot more of me in there waiting to be discovered... and I cannot wait for that! 

Helping hands

Over the last several months I have discovered, deep down, I have a servant heart. I have a special place right smack in the middle of my heart for kids. I have always cared for and enjoyed being around kiddos, but this feeling has been different. It all seems to go back to my surgery (12/2013) and continue to expand since then. While I have been baby obsessed forever - I have taken a stronger connection to older kids, lately. This school year, that is almost over!?, How is that even possible?, I became a mentor for a program at our school. The program is available for children that are behind academically, have family struggles, foster care, failed STAAR, etc. We meet with our mentee's once a week for 30 min to an hour. Our goal is to form a relationship, not to counsel, to give the kiddos something to look forward to every week - a positive. Could you imagine?! All the things that we take for granted each and every day? These kids are amazing overcomers.

I was assigned a 4th grade boy... the boy part I could handle (#boymom - I strongly believe there is a special lounge in heaven for mommas of boys) it was the 4th grade part that made me super nervous!! I remember meeting my sweet 4th grader the first time. Seriously, I wish I could have reached across the table and squeezed him!! He is a boy, so of course, I had to pull words out of him. I could tell he was excited to have someone interested in HIM! Though learning the few things I did on that first meeting were difficult for me to hear - I knew he was the most appropriate match for my very first mentee. Who ever would have thought a random Tuesday (such a boring day of the week) would be the day I started looking forward to, as well. We would end every session with a game of Connect 4. He's moved on to Jenga now. He's taught me to play multiple card games (some I may have already known about, but it was a good way to get him talking and boost his confidence a bit). 

There is one specific Tuesday I remember getting him and asking how class was going, if there were any projects coming up, how his grades were doing, if he needed help with anything. He told me there was a big project due that very day! Of course, I asked how it turned out - much to my dismay, he said he hadn't started... (y'all! my heart dropped!) We talked some more about the project and I decided to offer my time to help him... I am so grateful his teacher gave me the opportunity!! I met with him every morning for the rest of the week - we worked on his project each day for 1-2 hours, depending on what his class schedule looked like. Not only was I able to help him, show him different things on the computer, writing samples, build a tee-pee (yeah, so the project was on Indians... I slept thru Social Studies in school - I guess this was my payback ;) ),  I was able to witness our school as a community. We walked around to multiple classrooms asking for supplies - without question, we had everything we needed just a few minutes later. It was amazing, y'all. I really wish I could put it into words. I am forever grateful to the teachers who helped me lend a hand for my 4th grader. 

A few days after he turned his project one of his teachers stopped me in the hall and told me she noticed him just smiling at his project the day they were able to bring them home. She said he was proud of what he accomplished. Seriously, the best compliment! 

Several weeks later, he started missing school. A lot. This tore me apart... It is difficult to be on the outside and not be able to do anything. I still do not know why he missed so much school, I'm talking several full weeks, then more weeks of only coming to class 1-3 days a week. His teacher is amazing, and let me meet with him whenever he was at school. Lots of make up work and talks later, I am still unaware of the reason he wasn't at school, but I can say - I know he has touched my heart. I can only wish I have done the same for him. 

It is so hard for me to imagine how children his age already face so many challenging times and events in their life. Makes me think about many other children are in need of a mentor, that positive relationship and influence... 

If you have time to spare, regardless if you have children or not, I urge you to check with the local elementary & middle schools to see if they have similar programs available. Our school opens this program up to anyone, as long as you pass a background check. Yes, you will be providing a service to those children, but I promise you will gain more from them. My heart is changed because of these kids.

Aaden is SEVEN!!

Guys... I have a 7 year old!!! How crazy does that sound? Last year, 6 just didn’t seem like a big deal... SEVEN though - well that’s a different story for me. Seven seems so old and mature. I’m not ready for Aaden not to ask for my arm to snuggle before he falls asleep. Or turn his face when I try to give him a kiss or hug bye at school. I’m not ready for him to be too cool for mom...

One of my favorite parts of the boys’ birthday is their ‘Birthday Interview’. So here it goes:

Favorites:
Color: Blue
Book: Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Movie: Star Wars The Force Awakens
Food: Star Wars Cookie Cake (so yeah, he may have been eating it for breakfast ;) )
Treat: Chocolate donuts
TV Show: Ninja Turtles
Toy: New Nerf Guns
Animal: Calvin 
Song: Flo Rida - My House (OMG, this made me giggle)
Sport: Soccer 
Day: Today (duh, mom!)
Holiday: Christmas
Number: 7
Cereal: Fruit Loops (He is my son...)
Store: Academy
Game: Playing with Nerf guns

What do you & Mom do together? Play and snuggle
What do you & Dad do together? Look at guns & fishing stuff
What makes you happy? Playing with Kingston
What is something scary? Nothing (y’all, this is such a lie, I could hardly keep a straight face)
What are you really good at? Soccer
Who is your best friend? Kingston
What do you want to be when you grow up? Famous Soccer Player
What is something new you’d like to try? Football 
What do you think about before you fall asleep? Food (bahaha, love my sweet cheeks)
Who is someone famous you’d like to meet? The First President of the USA 

Here's to another fun amazing year of my little cutie teaching me about life. I am so proud of A for the huge strides he has made- I know this year will be the best of all before. 

Becoming a sports mom

Growing up, we were always playing some sort of a sport. From summer leagues in our little town to tournament ball, out of state every weekend type of thing. Naturally, when we had our first kiddo, we could not get a ball and bat in his hands fast enough. He turned 2 and we were pumped up!!! Thinking only ONE more year!!! 

We signed A up the very first season we could. He turned 3 on the day of his first soccer game, he barely qualified!! Shortly after that, I regretfully had to accept the fact that he was not ready. This was a moment I realized sports was something I wanted for him. He had issues with the spectators, the yelling/cheering, the wet grass. Blah. I was let down, but only by my own expectations. 

Fast forward a bit...

We played our first season of tee-ball, with 'coach mom' (it is as fun as it sounds). Imagine 3 year olds playing tee-ball but it was the absolute cutest thing. My oh my it was an amazing test of my character, though. 

We are now in our 3rd soccer season, and only getting better!!! It has been so much fun watching A take control on the field and enjoy something so very much!!! Even if it is soccer (my apologies soccer fans- we are a baseball family). 

A kid-sport post wouldn't be complete without a little briefing on the kid-sport parents... They are one.of.a.kind. I proudly stand amongst the crazies. That loudmouth mom at the games I used to keep score for as a summer teenage job, I am that person now!!!! I coach from the sidelines. I embarrass my adorable little soccer player, I'm sure of it. I LOVE IT. 

I can say, with certainty, I have no idea where that loud voice comes from... Considering I barely speak up in a large group of people (yes, I am 29 and still bashful 😳). The only explanation could be the excitement I have for my little player!!! 

I enjoy being out at the park for practice and games. From temps 110-45 (it is currently 45 as I type this, at practice). 

There is nothing that compares to watching your quiet, bashful, timid kid enjoy something. If that means freezing my booty off - so be it (I count stand to lose some lbs anyway ;) ). 

The only possible thing better is watching BOTH of your kiddos on the same team!! 

If you have tried sports and it wasn't quite your kids thing, try again!! I promise you will enjoy it as much as they do!!! 

How I became a ‘short order cook’ to my kids

We all remember going to our little’s well-baby check ups & hearing the doctor tell us, ‘Don’t be a short order cook.’ Despite their advice, over time - I am just that. Here’s how it happened & why I am perfectly content with it:
When our oldest was a baby, he ate everything! He loved fruits & veggies. Even though Daddy & I did not, we offered a large variety of foods to him, because being a picky eater is definitely not easy - plus it is extremely annoying and frustrating (still as an adult). It was after Aaden’s 1st birthday when he abruptly stopped eating just about everything he once enjoyed. We assumed it was a stage & reintroduced at a later date. Aaden was not having it. That is when things started to change for us. We honestly just wanted him to eat. Multiple trips to the store for different things, ways to camouflage healthy foods, to literally sticking with 4-5 main things he would eat. If you have had a child refuse everything you put in front of him - then you get it. If not, this may be hard to understand. Frustating does not cover the surface because you know your little was just begging for those yummy strawberries just the day before, & months before that...
We got to the point where we were tired of seeing him turn things down & we knew he was hungry. We stuck with those selective foods for a while & started re-reintroducing. Nope. Rejection. Again. By this time we have just about given up - who thinks feeding a little should be this hard, take this much work - we were researching different things to do all the time. So, I became a short order cook for my 2 year old, & by that point, I was ok with it. I was relieved to see him eating, even if it was the same thing everyday. I was happy there weren’t huge fits at each meal & snack time. He was enjoying eating again - & I was enjoying a happy little man.
*Disclaimer - I understand picky eaters do not all have differences*
By the time we were able to get a good list of foods together about 6 months had passed and we started noticing some behavioral things. We had an early diagnosis of OCD - which definitely explained some of the issues with eating. Months & years went on and our evolving diagnosis has grown tremendously. We currently have Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), & Aspergers. After learning many things of SPD, we have pin pointed the culprit.
Once we started speech therapy, one of the first questions asked by the therapist was, ‘Does he only eat light colored food?’. Honestly, this was something I never put together. Aaden’s foods are: Cheese (sliced, shredded, string), yogurt, goldfish, chips, fruit snacks, bread, chicken nuggets, cereal, pizza, macaroni & cheese (only elbow noodles though ;)  )... It all of a sudden made sense.
I definitely just got a little deep with you guys - but my point is: short order cook, at home chef, non picky eaters, you have to do what is best for your family. What works for you may not work for others. While ideally I would love to cook one meal for my family of 4 - that just isn’t possible at this stage of our life. I still think there may be a time when that happens, but for now - I am good with how we handle feeding time. An extra few minutes in the kitchen to avoid a 30+ minute fit is worth it. 100%. It is what works for us & keeps my kids healthy.

Afternoon refresh

Hi guys!!! It's been forever, right?! 

I want to get back to blogging, there is something about a virtual journal that is amazing and therapeutic. 

I figured I would start blogging about our 2015 Park Challenge!!  Then of course some more personal feeling goodness I come up with and need to get out. 

Lately we have been living on the go... From Evan working 6 am to way after the sun goes down <oh yeah, he got promoted!!! Yay! But there are lots of things to be fixed and that requires a lot of time. His company has also grown, like X4!!!> so the boys and I have been trying to stay busy, keeping up with school, starting soccer, therapy, spring break. Just life in general with 2 boys... 

Around Christmas time Evan and I decided we would definitely be moving from our 'baby house', as Aaden calls it and into another 2 story. We need the space, our guests need the space. The single story was very much short lived. (Hehe no pun intended- I'm just being dorky). Well now the owners of the home we are in want to sell. Which means- we HAVE to move. Which makes my anxious heart a bit cray. We are having a hard time on where to buy, if we want property, maybe we should build, maybe we should wait another year and save more money- so we can really get what we want, oh let's wait another year and see what oil is going to do. So many grown up decisions but ultimately, we will probably lease again. I think in another year we will be able to get more of what we really want in a house, on a nice piece of property with chickens and goats!! I have lost my mind- but happen to be really excited about the goats. Wish us well!!! 

The boys have been boys. They are loud, hyper, fast, loud (did I say that already?), and they fight. Non stop!!!! I told a friend a few weeks back I didn't understand how the police haven't been called on us, they are seriously that loud, which makes us THOSE neighbors. 

School has been great- Brady adjusted extremely well and Aaden, until last week, has only progressed in huge huge strides(just some behavior issues)!!! 

Since we have been so close together in our 'baby house', Daddy has been at work, and we hold tension in until we get home (I won't say any names, but his name starts with an A), I decided we would head to the park today. While my intentions were to get out the house so I didn't harm a kid (joking, kinda), today turned out to be so much more!!! We had a rough start because we weren't getting our way and there is only one of me. We finally decided on snacks and a hike. We took a fairly easy trail the first time, to the pond at Castroville Regional Park. I had no idea the pond was literally 20 feet from the playscapes. We missed our turn, took a very long trip around the other side of the park- which meant we explored, we came up with plans, we let Callie lead, we talked about 'what would happen if'. 

When we made our way out the trails and I thought we would head to the park- Aaden said he wanted to do another, and Brady agreed. (YALL this is huge!!! They agreed, without me being a referee) So we took the next set of trails. We had 2 options. 'Scout Trail' (fairly flat and easy) or 'Determination Trail' (who had a huge labeled sign that said 'CHALLENGING'). Guess what we picked?! Yep, Determination it was. It was freaking hard. Callie even sat down for breaks. My little minis are troopers, y'all. It was all up from there, literally. We helped each other, A helped BB, BB helped A, we all helped Callie. And it was just awesome. I may or may not tear up thinking about how awesome they did. With every aspect of the day. 

What I thought would be a quick trip to the park, turned into a huge lesson for me. I get so caught up in the 'things'. I forget to let my littles be little and be boys!! I am thankful for today (even for the screams that started our journey). Today was a blessing of a reminder of what really matters.

Until next time...

From a Mom of a High Functioning Son with Autism & an ADHD Son

Hi there- yeah you, who cannot stop staring at me in the grocery story while I am trying to calm down my son with High Functioning Autism (who doesn’t look like he has a 'difference'), while chasing after my ADHD son- would you like to switch places, because the look on your face is telling me you think you can handle this situation much better than I am.
Which is so strange, because I live in this situation 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
By situation- I mean my life. This is not a burden.

So while you’re staring, judging me--- try to think about this:
-Today could actually be a really good/easy day
-Your stares are RUDE
-Smiling may lift my spirits a little bit
-You can’t do better than I’m doing
-As much as you think Autism & ADHD are over diagnosed, they are REAL. I’m not just looking for a cover up for my children's ‘bad behavior’.
-A whole lot of tears (mine and my kids), time, and money went into how far we have already come.

Please refrain from saying these things to me:
-‘How do you handle this?’
*Let’s talk about this a little bit… Last time I heard, I couldn’t just hop over to the hospital and say, “Hey- yo this kid is difficult, can I switch him out for a new one?” My answer to this would be- What is my option?? This is my baby! I love this screaming child with my whole heart. This child has taught me more about life than any other human on the planet. Yes, of course, I have thought about running away, going to the store and never returning, dropping them off at the fire station. Sure all of those have crossed my mind- because our home life is HARD. I get by everyday by knowing God is trying to teach me something more- through my kids.

-‘Whipping him doesn’t do anything?’
*Well you know what? I have never thought about whipping him. Let me try that real quick… NOT. Of course we have tried every single form of discipline known to man. Guess what? Not many of them work- if any. So while you think there is magic behind a whipping/spanking- there isn’t. Plus, what looks like a normal throwing a fit because he isn’t getting what he wants could actually be many many many other things: the lights could be too bright, sounds too loud, too many people, not enough people, the lights could be too dark, not enough sound, the list is endless. This ‘fit’ you are witnessing for 5-30 minutes is only 5-30 minutes of our entire life, so I apologize if you have to listen to my kid have a hard time. So let me spank him because the lights in your house are too dark.

The truth is, children with autism don’t always have a clear comprehension of cause and effect. Their brains simply don’t operate in the same way as typically developing kids. Their behavior challenges are bigger and more complex, and solving them is more difficult.

-‘Let me have him for a week, I’ll straighten him out.’
*This has to be the most uneducated thing I have ever heard someone say. You either 1) Know absolutely nothing about ASD or ADHD. 2) You are one of the ones that have asked me the question listed above. But, sure, if you think taking him for a week will change years of what I’ve been trying to do, go ahead. I’ll be on vacation - listening to my own thoughts, for once.

-‘My friend’s son/daughter has autism, and they are so much different than your son, maybe it’s not autism’
*Interesting, maybe because you have met one other child on the spectrum, you know what autism is. Maybe you’re right. We have only seen multiple doctors, therapists, teachers, psychologist, neurologists, the list goes on. But I’m happy you don’t think he has autism. Chime in the bad parenting mantra. Guess what else--- my son also isn’t Rainman, that doesn’t make him any less autistic, does it?


While all of this seems so harsh - it’s life. I have been ask multiple times by family and friends, some I no longer talk to anymore, these very questions. All I am asking is for your to become educated in what we are dealing with. I understand most of these questions would be asked out of concern, and I definitely appreciate that. From the bottom of my heart- if you don’t know how to help me, ask! I may not know either, but I won’t feel so bad for my kid screaming bloody murder in your presence…

Awareness

It was recently brought to my attention that I am inflicting negativity on my son, Aaden, for blogging about his differences.

Not because I feel convicted, but because this is a completely false statement- is the reason of this post.

I never, in a million years, want Aaden to grow up and be embarrassed about things I have blogged about- I want him to be proud of his difference in the world. That is why I blog of all our craziness. If me sitting down, for a few minutes- every few weeks (because we all know, I do not blog often ;) ) helps one single child. One single family- my few minutes were worth it. 

I hope you all know me well enough to understand this. If you were ever offended, or backed away from me as a friend because some of my stories- I do apologize. This is our life I choose to share because I want to- I want to help other families. I want to look back at our progress!! Which I have. Over and over. And I love that. 

My goal, as a mom of a child with a difference is just that---Raise awareness. 

Please keep my family in your prayers, thoughts, send positive vibes- whatever it is you do, as we go thru a difficult time.

I will always appreciate you guys and your support. 

Baking Soda Bombs

Figured we would try a little something fun today…

Brady and his class did this experiment last week. So we gave it a try. Super simple.

First we gathered our ingredients:
Water
Baking Soda
Food Coloring (if you desire)
Vinegar
Glass cups
…and something to catch the explosion in.

Aaden helped me make the bombs. We didn't measure, just made a pretty thick paste with baking soda, water, and food coloring. Next, we rolled them into little balls, and let them dry for a few hours.
*Suggestion- If you do not want minis asking you 'How much longer- How much longer', you should make them the night before, without help ;)

I had everything set up when I called them in, made sure the dishes to catch the explosion were big enough for each boy. Ex- Brady is a lot messier, so he got a bigger pan ;)

 

This is definitely something we will do many many times to come. I may put special treats in the bombs, maybe little heart confetties for Valentines Day… ;)

Until next time…

With love,

Courtney

Redefining

Tomorrow is Friday, y'all!!! Which means absolutely nothing, but still excites me every week.

As most of you may know- tonight I attended the first of four sessions at Any Baby Can of San Antonio's Parent Training Series.

First, let me mention--- this class is offered completely free, with childcare, and dinner provided- regardless of income!! We love ABC!!!

On our way, I was talking to Aaden about being able to play with other children that are like him. His response, "They have crazy hair too?" Hmmm. maybe. haha

*Side note- I do not think his hair is crazy!! lol I love it.

That is about as far as we got with that conversation, because earlier when I started it, all he wanted to know were if there would be girls. What tha… when did that start to matter?

Once we got there, I signed the boys in, and since we were early, I sat in the child care facilities for a good bit waiting for class to start. Aaden made his rounds around the room, scoping everything out, then ran up to me and said, "Thank you so much, mom". Ok, sure, I'll take the credit for this amazing room full of all things possible. Brady, well he did his usual, found a truck and didn't care about anyone else around.

Class started, after filling out a few pre-course questionnaires and all that jazz, the fun started. We learned about loads of other opportunities offered by Any Baby Can: Group Therapy Sessions, Individual Sessions, Parents Helping Parents, Potty Training, IEP Assistance, the list goes on. Once again- all offered free of charge.

We were introduced to the Psychologist that works along side ABC- he started with statistics, of course. Did you know the statistics you hear in the media are not accurate? The real numbers are a lot worse. 1 in 50 boys, born in the USA are within the Spectrum and 1 in 88 girls. Did you also know that in the US the average age for a diagnosis is 6 for Autism and 10 for Aspergers… which by that time, you have missed a HUGE window for intervention and help!?

Why is the US so far behind?!? In England, they are scanning for symptoms  at 6 months!! Why? Because they know this is a neurological disorder that isn't going to just 'disappear'. These early years in our children lives are the most important, 'difference' or not.

He spoke about regular pediatricians calling us 'helicopter parents' and needing to let the child try to grow out of it. Or he is trying to test us or get his way. When they are playing it safe- and wrong- we are missing valuable time with our precious little one's development. YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S ONLY ADVOCATE. The doctors see one slide of your life movie…

Why does it matter if there is something different going on with him/her? Will it change your love for your child? If it does, shame. on. you!!! You are the parent, you push for what you believe.

The rising numbers in Autism are one of the major reasons we need to raise awareness.

There is nothing worse than being in public and having an autistic break down… if you are on the outside of the parenting spectrum, imagine being stared at by 10000 eyes, all thinking you need to discipline your child, or spank him, or whatever else they think would help this neurological disorder they are so uneducated about.  Then he said this: 'Why do I have to explain to the world, what I live through'. The answer to that is - we don't. But we choose to share because we want to raise awareness. Raise acceptance.

He spoke about why our parents and grandparents do not understand what Autism is and what it really means… I have to say- most of our parents and grandparents are extremely supportive, naturally they act like there is nothing wrong with Aaden- because he is so perfect when they are around. Well come live with us. LOL. He brought up a movie Elvis was in, Change of Habit, and said that is what our grandparents know of the Spectrum. To be honest, I have not seen the movie- so I'm just going to kind of leave it at that, and assume you can piece it together. Amendment after I watch ;) You're welcome.

He said in the 70's when you had a child on the Spectrum, 90% of the time Social Services would come knocking on your door to take your child- because obviously you could not control them. How petrifying. Do you know where these kids went??? To a side wing in a hospital--- kept away from the world, from society. They were rejects. They were 'warehouse kids' (if you must ask- yes, I am balling as I type).

I personally enjoyed him speaking of prevalent individuals that have vocalized their 'difference'. Whether it be Autism or Aspergers. These are the people that can change the way outsiders look at the disorder.

All in all, it was just amazing to sit there and giggle at small things he would throw in about our little ones- such as never wearing clothes. Or their favorite meal being chicken nuggets and fries from McDonald's. Seriously everyone laughed at that. So good to know we aren't the only one's who live at McD's. haha

My favorite of the night was when he said, "Autism changes you as a person, not for the better, not for the worse, it Redefines you". And it has. You look for joy differently.

Ours for instance was last week--- Aaden wrote his name, completely by himself!!!! He has been behind in class with his writing and letter recognition. His teacher told me she was positive the whole school heard them cheering for him after he finished. That is amazing to me.

My second favorite, and the one that will stick with me, "Behavior is a language, and we are the translators.' And let me tell you, learning a new language - that doesn't have a study guide, book, directions etc IS HARD.

Please please please raise awareness near you!!! Don't be the ones giving 'the look'. Don't be scared of there being something 'wrong' with your little one. Know there is help out there. Keep pushing for what your child deserves.

When I went to grab the boys- Aaden was sitting with 2 of the caregivers, both pretty teenage girls… who were completely swoon by him. Brady- still playing with the same truck. One of the girls that Aaden was hanging with said she knew Brady was Aaden's sibling because of how they would look at each other. My translation "look at each other with monster eyes". I don't think that's what she meant, but definitely what I pictured. As we all walked out of the child care facilities, you could easily point out which child in each family had the difference. They were screaming because they didn't want to leave. While this was so sad- I was proud to be right along side them. They are not alone- and either are we.

Amazingly enough, when I got into the car- 'Write Your Story' by Francesa Battistelli was playing on the radio. <3

In April we will be participating in Any Baby Can Walk for Autism. We will be walking to support Any Baby Can, to raise awareness, to celebrate growing as an Autism Community. If you are local- or anyone who plans to come into town, and would like to join us for the walk, you can register for our team, Aspie Aaden, here. If you are unable to walk and could like to purchase a t-shirt, contact me. Email: court.ingram@gmail.com Cell: (225) 505-8024. The shirts are $20/each. Available in sizes ranging from Youth Small to Adult 3 X-Large. They will be royal blue with white writing. Shirts are not necessary to participate in the walk.

I am so excited about next week's class!! The next 2 weeks we will be have an BCBA come in and help us with home based behavior strategies. Pumped up, let me tell you!!

Thank you for reading- and listening to me ramble. I hope you took something from this!!

Until next time…

With love,

Courtney

Differences

My mind has be spinning lately… I'm not sure if it's because my brain can actually function now that I have stopped taking my anxiety/depression medicine (YAY!!) or if I'm growing up a little bit more. Either way… I'm pretty dang pumped my brain is working- and I'm seeing a little more grey than black and white.

Recently a few things have happened that have me on my toes.

Last week I judged another mom. You would think, 'Wow, huge no- no, especially for a mother of a child with a disability'. Not the case to me- and this is why:

When I think about how I parent, there is not the tiniest bit of me that thinks- I need to parent differently because I am a mother of a child with a disability. I think I want to raise 2 little mini men to be real men one day. I expect them to respect others (adults and children). I expect them to be thankful. I want them to be confident. Knowledgable. I want them to be adventurous and seek out answers… I want them to be successful. To find joy. To be happy.

I judged this mom because she did something that, REGARDLESS of what her daughter did, was unacceptable, to ME!! Was it the right thing to do- No. I do not feel bad about it, and I will always stand behind my beliefs. Humiliation, in public or in private is WRONG!!! We are shaping little lives people!! We are trying to instill confidence. If your child cannot talk to you, who do you think they will talk to?? If they cannot trust you. There is no one else.

Be a role model- not a rink leader. There is a reason Tiger Trainers walk with a whip.

One to the next-

On two different occasions I have had moms try and treat Aaden differently because they know he has Autism. I appreciate their concern & trying to conform to his needs. It means a lot to me, as a friend. However, that is not helping Aaden. If he kicked or hit someone with a stick (both of the stories)- he needs to be reprimanded. He needs to understand that is not appropriate behavior. How else will he learn? This past weekend Aaden hit an older kid in the head with a stick, and then lied about the boy kicking him in the face first. How embarrassing. He would not apologize… He was ticked about something, and said he would think about apologizing.

Here is my take on that: 1. He said he would think about it- which means- he is still mad, he is thinking about it over and over and over again, he is embarrassed. 2. If I force him to say he's sorry- it will not be genuine. [I refuse to force my children to give a false apology, they will continue to be taught the reasons we apologize and how other's feel].

He told me he was sorry later that afternoon… It's how his brain functions, and it took him all that time to get over it. I prefer a sincere apology to a ugly mean 'my mom told me I had to' apology.

…side note- to both Moms. Please don't take offense to this. Y'all are amazing!! I'm just trying to raise awareness. :)

Differences:
We explain ourselves to our boys… I remember hearing, "I am your parent and I do not have to explain myself" many many times growing up. However, now that I'm a parent, I feel the need to do so. I want my boys to understand the WHY. If they understand why- they are less likely to do it again… In my opinion.
We explain things to Aaden because his little brain never ever ever stops. It helps him with processing. I love when he comes back hours later with a comment about something we talked about earlier in the day. It makes me giggle.

Our short-term/immediate goals are different.
We want  Aaden to ask for things without whining. We are happy if he only writes his name on his homework-because even that is an improvement. We give him alternatives- a little leeway.

But then again, how different are those than any other parent?? What kid responds well to 1000 rules? So many rules they can't do anything right??

This is what my brain is thinking about today, so I figured I would share. :)

Until next time…

Courtney

I am a MESS

There you have it. I am a pure mess. I am a mother of 2 little messes… boys are gross, and that is that. Now, that isn't exactly where I was going with this, but there's the truth. Just to throw it out there.

This week we have seriously played our little hearts out. So today, we went for a little bit more simple fun. We made moon dough. Recipe can be found here. Luckily I stumbled across corn starch at the dollar store one day, and bought every box available. I swear when I'm looking for something like that in Walmart, it's sold out. Or I'm crazy and don't know where to look. Maybe a little of that too. ;) We added few drops of food coloring, just for fun. White = Boring. Or so I've been told my a certain 4 year old.

Here is a little before/during picture. Aaden didn't like the smell, naturally. So I tied a shirt on his face, then he was good to go. It took them both a few minutes to put their hands in and mix the corn starch and shaving cream up really well. But they did. I was beginning to think my numb thumb was for nothing. Pressing a cheap bottle of shaving cream is torture. Just an FYI!! Aaden lasted about 20 minutes, which is great for him. Brady lasted about an hour. Which has significantly increased since he has started pre-school.

 This was the last few minutes of Brady's time. The aftermath. I wish I had taken a picture of our whole floor, from the table to the front door… completely covered. The chairs, white, Brady's pants, that were originally navy, were then grey. About 10 cars completely covered in moon dough, even the big truck that carried them around 'town'.

As I clean up the mess, I am totes happy they enjoyed it so much, I have not one single issue with cleaning it up. The chairs needed a good wipe down anyway!! ;) It got me thinking, why is this mess (which is WAYYYY worse than an accidental mess) ok, and an accidental mess not? Yes, I said it. Accidental messes drive me crazy sometimes. Brady loves to spill the whole container of just made juice. Aaden's thing is to drop a FULL-to-the-rim cup of milk---on the CARPET. Ahh!! These are accidents, I know this. I cannot stand myself for getting frustrated at those type of things. I think I get frustrated because I am so high strung about everything else going on in our house. Aaden screaming over how bright the lights are, or how loud the TV is, or Brady saying, "I spank you", and he's scared. Or Brady just being the little mess he is. All the time. He kid is a walking dumpster lol. A cute one, but oh my word.

I am determined not to let these little things bother me so much. It is not fair to my babies, and I will not accept that kind of behavior from myself. 

So, follow up on how this goes… soon ;) Wish me luck.

Until next time…

Christmas 2013

HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL!!

Guess that is a good way to start this post about Christmas ;) We started our Christmas  season with a Christmas Book Exchange at our good friend's house! *Side note: If you are new to an area, or just looking to meet people like you, with the same interests, look on Meetup.* We had a great time!! They boys enjoyed a lot of crafts, plus each getting a Christmas book to add to our collection. My favorite. Sadly, I don' think I have any pics. 

Evan was actually off work and could attend the boys' school parties with me. Although he said it was definitely a 'mom' thing, I know he enjoyed being there. Both of their parties were adorable. 

In Aaden's class,  they played adorable little games, decorated sugar cookies, ate lunch together.

 He was soooo happy his Daddy was there.

 Nailed it ;)

We headed to Brady's party immediately after Aaden's, correction, after hitting up Starbucks. I'm not sure how much I have shared about Brady's teacher- she is God sent. Whole heartedly, she is amazing. She writes a blog each day after class to help us, parents, communicate better with the babies in her class. We are aware of each thing they did during the day, so we can ask them direct questions. It's just absolutely perfect. You can find her blog here. It's updated every Wednesday and Friday.

Now, Brady's party was a lot different. His party focused on the true meaning of Christmas. They made their own pizza, had lunch, did a balloon launch for Jesus's birthday, and we had the most adorable birthday cake for Jesus. There was a child missing from his class, so Aaden took full advantage of the situation. 

 My cute sensory issue kiddo

 Does anyone else's child eat pizza this way? He bites the middle of every piece. Won't eat the pieces he has touched.

Jesus' Birthday Cake

Since we spent most of our Christmas break in Louisiana, Santa decided to make a trip to our house early. We ended up missing an ornament exchange with all of our favorite kiddos and moms- but there was no way Santa could bring his gifts to and from Louisiana with all the loot we knew we would have to haul back. I wrapped all the gifts, and Evan pretended as if he heard Santa on the roof, so they ran in our bedroom, you know- their room because they sleep there-and acted like they were sleeping so Santa would leave their gifts. We had a jolly little time. Nothing huge, but perfect for us. 

We started our Christmas journey at my grandparents house, my Dad's mom and dad. I love being able to spend time with just them. It's so special to me. The way the boys voices get all high pitched and excited when they say 'Mawmaw' 'Pawpaw', just melts my soul. 

And, they just happen to be the cutest little people on the planet!!!

We spent all day Christmas Eve with my mom's side of the family, my Granny and Pawpaw. I have no idea why I never have pictures from their house? It drove me crazy last year, and even more this year because I remember typing those exact words 365 days ago. AGH!!! Next year, y'all be ready fan--- the flash is going to be going down!!!

Christmas morning we went to Lottie & Pop's house, Evan's parents. We enjoyed a huge breakfast and opening gifts with sweet little Ryden. It was soooo much fun with these 3 boys this year. I can hardly wait until next year, when Ry is even more involved. 

 Special thanks to Butterfly Kisses Embroidery & Gifts for the boys 

adorable pajama sets and Christmas shirts.

 My gorgeous wind chime from Mawmaw and Pawpaw Nettles.

That is also me, stepping out of my box, in RED leggings ;)

My sweet SIL! :) 

We spent Christmas afternoon with my Dad and family. I was too busy taking pictures with my Dad's camera to get any pics of my own. It is always a fun time going over there. There is a total of 7 daughters, 4 son in laws, 8 grand babies with one on the way (not me). We are always there at the same time… Along with grandparents. My parents number gifts and have a total of 3 trees… I think there were 124 gifts this year? I'm not sure why that number is sticking in my head though.

The rest of our time in town, we took a trip to Biloxi with Granny and Pawpaw to have some 'adult time' away from the crazies. It definitely helped recharge my mind… I am very thankful for that. 

Here's to a new year and new memories to be made. 

Until next time…

With love,

Courtney :)